Cold Apocalypse, shortened
Okay, remember those nice hot summers? Not happening any more. Remember how you could shovel snow in your shorts? No more.
Yes people, put away your anxieties about your children's children frying. Now we are talking about freezing. The ocean currents have dumped all our heat into Outer Space. It was nice while it lasted, warmed up the poles a lot, but now we have to pay the piper.
What can you do? Don't start planting a vineyard in Ottawa. Plant a lot of tubers. Buy a snowblower. Plan on winter tires for 6 months at time.
Invest in companies who harvest waste plastic, because we are going to blame this all on plastic in the oceans. We can have a chart, plastic goes up, temperature goes down. We'll set up a church! and call it science.
ps. This is the first broccoli I ever had work in the garden, due to the copocalypse.
pps. Also, we have a 96.5% consensus with coldologists.